Lifes' little challenges. . . . .

If you thought I already blogged about everything in my life, you were wrong. I have had a couple of weeks' worth of little challenges. I think I've hinted about my oldest son and his lack of good choices. If I've ever miss-stated anything, that would probably be it. He has gone from making foolish choices, to being just plain stupid. A couple of weeks ago he dissappeared for almost 10 days. Now, he's been living out of my house for over 3 years, and I don't always hear from him consistantly. He's all boy, and doesn't communicate very well (or at all). Anyway. This time, I knew he was in trouble. Very big trouble. I have known for a while that he had been selling drugs. It broke my heart. Then things got worse. The last 8 months he has been doing Meth. I cryed (and screamed and swore) when I heard it. He was not encouraged to stay at our house. We were afraid about anyone coming to see him, or any other problems that might come from his drug use or business. Then he got in trouble AGAIN- and I think I blogged about him having to see a Probation Officer.

So, I'm at my wit's end, I haven't heard anything for almost 2 weeks, I pray on the way to work that I will at LEAST hear from him. I wasn't asking for any Devine intervention, he needs to pay restitution for all he had done up until now, but I needed to hear from him. While I'm at work, Katy calls. She and Josh had a funeral to attend that day. One of Josh's cousins saw Katy and told her that he knew where Joey was. Incredible. Katy told the cousin, to tell Joey that we love him, and that he needed to CALL HIS MOTHER! About 30 minutes after that call, Joey called me. It was a really hard conversation. I was happy to hear from him, but I was not going to enable him. At all. Nada. He seemed calm, but not feeling well. He said he didn't have any money, no car, no phone, and was being supported by his friend. He also said he was trying to stay clean. Yea, yea, yea, talk to the hand. I felt terrible after that conversation. I wanted desperately to help, but knew I shouldn't. I felt like a terrible mother, and I was afraid that he would feel abandoned.

I didn't hear from him for a couple more days. Then he called on Tuesday and told me he had an appointment at the Alcoholism Council that afternoon, but no way to get there. I told him that I would take him IF he called his Prob. Officer and talked to her. He did, so I agreed. Somehow, I felt this was a breakthrough. I took Joey to his meeting, and had the opportunity to also talk with his counsellor. It came down to just a couple of choices. Joey needs intensive drug therapy. Mr Brown highly recommended a 3 day a week program. Joey said that would be a hardship on his family. Man, talk about feeling guilty. I want to do all I can, but he was right, 3 days a week would be really difficult. So, we started talking about facilities where he could stay during his treatment. Somewhere in the middle of this meeting, I was absolutely over come with the reality of my son's addiction, and the seriousness of Meth addiction specifically. I found out (and Mr Brown, with all his experience- believed him) that Joey had been going Cold Turkey for over a week. It was incredible he had come so far all on his own. Anyway, we weren't able to place Joey at that time, we were supposed to go back and sign papers and have another meeting the next day.

When I came home, I had to try to explain all of this to Bari. It was hard to get across that Joey REALLY was trying to get better. Bari was very suspicious. I don't blame him. But sometimes I just want support without discussion.

The next day (Wednesday) Joey was sick and wanted to go to the hospital. He had gone 10 days without any additional medication helping him through withdrawl. He had heard from his friends that it could take a year to clear all the medicine out of his system. A YEAR!!! Well, an amazing thing happened. On the ride to the hospital he really opened up to me. He told me that his first addiction was the money. That he wouldn't have done the drugs if he had known how much money it actually cost him ($80 a pill). And that he had enough money (and access to drugs) to have overdosed without a problem. WHAT??????? He also told me when/how he decided to give it all up. This drug is incredible - in all the wrong ways. Anyway. Because we spent 3 1/2 hours at the Emergency room, he missed his appointment. He is trying to get back to see Mr Brown next week. Joey has an appointment with his Prob. Officer tomorrow.

I can see a difference in him. If we had to spend that much time in the waiting room before, he would have been - impatient, angry, belligerent, restless. But, besides the normal 'slightly irritated' way we all feel in an emergency room, he was fine. Oh, and besides feeling sick from the withdrawl.

I know this is all very early. But I have to be a LITTLE optimistic about my son. I am well aware that there will be many ups and downs. But at least he is showing some intention of wanting to make a good choice.

So, that was my week, anyone watch Project Runway?