Thursday, September 11, 2008

WHAT ? ? ? ? ? ?

Ok- I just posted a very long (for me) emotional commentary on forgiveness. My day was (again) VERY EMOTIONAL. You - all have read my last couple of blogs about the challenges I am having with the whole Joey situation. (Which, by the way- is S...L...O...W...L...Y............. getting better). (I think). And then- - - - I check my e-mails and we have a Wedding request! I was soooo excited! The bride saw our website, and wants to meet with us- wahoo!!!! May 24, I'm pretty sure that is after Prom season. Yep it is Wahoo!!!!!!! Oh- - - no........... May 24th is a SUNDAY!!!!!!!
WHAT??????? Like I don't have enough trials ALREADY ????? You couldn't just GIVE me this????


Some lessons in life are learned over and over again. Each time taught a different way than the last. The lesson is learned with more depth, perception, awareness, than the time before. Today was one of those life lessons- again.

The event that changed my life is one of the most sensitive, because it involves one of my children. Although I love you all, and understand you are the most sincere friends and family, I feel that if I tell the story in it's entirety, I will be breaking a sacred trust with my child. The security of privacy is not taken lightly, even more so in this case. With that said, I will do my best to express the 'Forgiveness lesson' I learned today.

This story started 2 years ago. There was an indiscretion which happened at one of my children's' schools, to one of the kids. It shocked us, and upset my child. The offender was arrested. Because this offender was a minor, the court case was The State of Ohio vs John Doe, not us against John Doe. Our child did speak to the Detectives, and had to appear in court. It was traumatic. For all of us. Well. Moving on, this was 2 years ago, and we thought everything had been resolved, until I received a letter concerning this situation. I was caught off guard and was FURIOUS about the supposed changes this offender wanted on the official record. We called the Victim's Advocates office and was told that we could attend the court ourselves, and were welcome to speak on our child's behalf. That was all I needed, my goodness was I going to speak my mind. How dare they want a change in status! I took some time and wrote a letter to the Magistrate, which I was prepared to read.

This morning Bari and I headed off to court. He was full of questions, I was full of righteous indignation. We were briefed by the prosecutor's office and victim's advocates office. Well we found out that not all the information we had (what little info we had) was correct. They weren't asking for leniency just out of the blue. There had been a change in the law, and that change affected our offender dramatically. Even more so than the original judgement. I listened to a Phychologist, and his assessment of the situation, and I kept thinking, "this is wrong". It was wrong for this person to have the new law apply to him, it was excessive, and wasn't fair. I agreed with the defendant. The person who had offended my child.

I did have a chance to read my letter and speak my mind. I told the Magistrate that the new law should not apply to this situation. Well, in the end, our offender was able to keep the original judgement, no more, no less.

That is when I knew forgiveness. When we were done, and excused to leave the court room, I asked if I could speak to this young man. As I walked over to him, he was still sitting in the chair, but immediately got up as I started to speak to him. I told him I was a mother more than anything else, and as a mother, all I wanted him to do was to stay out of trouble, make something of himself. And I told him I was proud of him for all the progress he had made. He hugged me and wouldn't let go. He apologized over and over, promised be productive, and apologized again. I can't even describe the moment. We just stood there holding on to each other, whispering our private conversation, promising and accepting all sincere gratitude's. I looked in his eyes, held his face in my hands and knew he was sincere. Knew, I had forgiven.