Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Should I stay, or should I go?

 For some reason, I've been considering writing a final blog.

It seems to me that I either complain (and whine) or brag about what is going on with my family. I know that a couple of you write blogs as journal entries. This concept puts even greater pressure on me to write more often, and include EVERYthing that is going on. All I need right now is more guilt about what I am not doing.

Maybe it is just the time of year. Christmas (actually- from Thanksgiving to Christmas) it the most stressful time of my year. Work is more stressful and more physically demanding. And I have 2 jobs. One I work at 5 days a week, the other I work in the evenings and some weekends. The kids have even more activities to go to, and even the 'normal' activities seem to become more challenging. Putting up a tree and decorations is hard to schedule, let alone, making cookies or sending cards. Even getting all the kids together for a gift exchange and dinner has been a scheduling nightmare with family, grandparents, out-of-town parents thrown into the mix.

I sat in church with Bari on Sunday, and said "I think I need an attitude adjustment". To my surprise, he agreed.
Then 2 things caught my attention during the talks. First, Emily said something about her testimony being very simple for a long time. Well, maybe 'simple' isn't the right word- but  something on the line of - not being complicated. Wow- i was right there- I don't have a big - giant  - complicated testimony. And I have worried about that. I wondered if I wasn't pushing myself enough, not stretching enough, not challenging myself to learn more. - Ok. more guilt. When is all this going to happen? Where am I going to find time to study more? Oops- more guilt.
  Then, Jamie gave her talk. She said that all we can do is all we can do, and that is enough. Wow again, I really needed that. Right now, I am so overwhelmed that I can't even allow myself the thought of feeling guilty.

On the way home from church, I was alone in the car and just started thinking over the whole day. I came to the conclusion that  there are times when I can't do one more thing. Not one. This seems to be one of  those times. I could write a list of all the responsibilities that I have, that I don't act on. This makes me feel like a horrible person , that I am letting down so many people, I feel like a hypocrite.

Yea, maybe I need to stop blogging for a while.

See? Whine or brag. Either way is isn't pretty.
Ok- in a couple of days I'll write another blog, and it will be about my blessings.