I need to write blessings - this is long

I've had a very bad week. In every way, it has been disappointing, challenging, and depressing.

I need to write blessings.

In just a minute- because I still have a little venting to do.

The first disappointment was finding out that one of the other managers earns more than I do. She left the company 5 years ago. I took over the store. She came back to work at Tri-Co. and then, after a year, got her original store back. I moved. This is a big deal because I have been told for 5 years, that the company cannot afford raises. Nada- nothing . For 5 Years. It was a slap in the face to me. Bari said he was surprised that I didn't walk out. I'm a little surprised too. Then again, I'm working on a really (R E A L L Y) cool golf shadowbox.

I can eventually get over it. I probably almost am already.

Then the worst of my suspicions and More- came to my bad week. I visited with Jillian, Joey's so-called girlfriend. I hadn't seen or heard from him since New Years Eve. I already suspected the worst- he was back with his old friends and using and selling drugs. Well, no. I was wrong. It was MUCH worse. Jillian suspects him of using Heroin. I still cry. I can hardly speak when I think of the possibility of this being true. I have no reason to doubt her.
I can't express how angry I am about all of this. I'm angry that I have to go through all the muck of not blaming myself for his bad choices. I have to go through all the stupidity of trusting/not trusting, believing/not believing him. There was a whole day when I was sick to my stomach and cryed in the ladies room.

Update- Joey called today. He sounded bad (tired, mumbling) and wanted to come home on Sunday. I am numb. I was not happy to hear from him. How is that possible? I am still very angry. Talking to him on the phone doesn't stop me from imagining him over dosing somewhere.

When he was in jail, every night I thought about him trying to go to sleep in -what I was sure was- a loud, bright room with other noisy men. Now, I wonder where in the heck he is. Who is he staying with. If something happens, will I even know about it? I'm mad.

I'm not stupid, I knew the chances of him getting out and really staying clean were 2- slim, and none.

That was not the end of my week. Oh, no. My new boss came into the store on Thursday and met with each of us. There are going to be changes, yes, changes goin' on here! Starting with the employees. Yep. If the store makes money, Ken makes money, Ken is happy. If the store makes money, the employees make money. If the employees make money, they are happy. Yep. Whatever.

I was given a $2 an hour decrease in wages. DECREASE. I was also given a commission rate of 5% of anything I sell. Great. This is the slowest time of the year. And I hadn't gotten a raise in 5 years! so, I'm now at an hourly rate that is L O W E R than any starting rate for framers in the city. With the POSSIBILITY of making more- M U C H more than I did before.

Can any one say RECESSION?

So now we get to today. I have a meeting at Children's Hospital to go through all the testing and make a game plan. Ok. Bari can't make it, of course, so I am by my self with the burden of the week hanging off my very being. The Dr tells me that yes, Sam does have a form of Autism.

This was not a surprise. But it came at a very bad time. I didn't cry until I got in the car.

This is a good place to start counting blessings. Sam is challenged with lack of social skills, speech and communication. All of those concerns are teachable/treatable. He is able to learn correct social skills, speech usage and be a better communicator. He is already a smart, funny kid. It will only get better.

Blessings. At work. I will only work from 9am to 3pm most days. If I suggest my regular customers come in at that time, I could (possibly) make more money than the original hourly wage. Blessing-2. I still have a job. Blessing-3. I still get to do awesome framing, like make a golf ball sit in a 'cup' deep in a shadowbox frame. It is cool.

Blessings. At home. I have a caring husband who would do every thing in his power to make this all go away and have his happy peaceful wife back. I love my husband. He bought me ice cream, and (no kidding- I really was happy)-Brussels Sprouts- In Butter!

Blessings. My kids. Overall, my kids are doing quite well. Making good decisions. Happy with their choices. All of Katy's appointments have been exceptional. She is more healthy now than she normally is! Blessing-2. Katy and I went up to Clyde to visit my mom last weekend. We had the best time!


Blessings. My church kids. I only have had them 1 week, but how cute are they! I have a bunch to teach- but I am looking forward to it.

We live, grow and evolve. We are separate but still part of our emotional muck. Thank goodness there is a new day every day, a new week- new year. I am grateful.