Thursday, September 20, 2012

Changing Seasons...

  Usually I look forward to the changing seasons. I love watching the small changes in color in the trees. The air is crisp.

  The first year of my divorce, I counted time through the seasons. My divorce was final on October 31st, so it was well into fall. As time moved forward into winter and then spring, I realized it was too difficult to think in terms of days and months, but I could say, 'well, I made it through winter and spring. That wasn't so bad. It is almost summer, and then it will be fall again.' Before I knew it, I had made it through my first year as a single parent.
  Now, I am watching summer fade into autumn. But this year I don't want it to go. I don't want time to move forward. Maybe I'm just not ready. That's the thing about time, it moves on whether you want it to or not.
  And I don't want it to.

  I try to really analyze what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. Sad. That's pretty much how I'm feeling. Not all the time though. But even though I might not be sad at any particular moment, I find myself moving slowly. I am behind in my projects at work. I am behind in my responsibilities at home. I care very much about this. It worries me, and adds to my sadness.

  No, this year I am not ready for the happiness of summer to leave. I want one more cookout at Katy's with my whole family there. One more gathering. One more moment...because before I know it, winter will turn to spring, and spring to summer...and I will have lived a whole year without Joey.

1 comment:

Patty said...

I'm sad for you and with you. I hope that summer memories will help when the chill of fall and winter set in.
Let yourself go through this slower time. Sometimes it's just not possible to be everything we were or want to be, but you are perfect just the way you are right now.
I think you would like this poem that Aimee wrote: