Updates from Friday-Saturday

Before the updates I have a little unfinished business. First off, so sorry I published the last post without Spell-check first. I'm an atrocious (better Spell-check that)-speller, and I depend on it. Secondly, sorry I didn't make it to Enrichment on Thursday. I was really looking forward to some 'me' time -(and I even had my nightgown out and ready)- but alas, I had some last minute Wedding Production to do. I'm sure it was a great evening. Again, I'm sorry I missed it.

Ok- on to Thursday. If you haven't read my last blog, none of this will make any sense, be warned. Read at your own risk.

Thursday I had a very nice phone conversation with Mr Brown from the Alcoholism Council. He was trying to reach Joey, but in the end we both agreed that this was a much better-much needed conversation. First off, he gave me some specific ideas on how to get Joey back into the final assessment meeting without having to wait 3 weeks for the next appointment. That was helpful. Then he pretty much gave me a pep talk. It was nice to hear. I think I am done with thinking that all of this trouble with Joey is my fault. That I'm a bad mother because of it. There really are things I could have done better, his education for one. But, in the end, it is his choice to use this as an excuse, or move on productively with his life. Is it an embarrassment? of course it is. But it is not my choice, these are his destructive behaviors. So, Mr Brown confirmed all that to me. He also said I was doing really well with my choices of when to help and when not to. It can be difficult to know when it is enabling, and when it is helping. Then he said something that made me cry. Mr Brown said that he could tell that Joey was raised right. I had done a good job raising him in a Christian home. Really, I cryed. And I told him that he made me cry. Then Mr Brown said, "well, sometimes you just have to let those floodgates open and let it out. Let the emotions out. It's a good thing". What a nice guy. Like I said, he really made me feel better about the whole situation.

Then came Saturday. I stayed in bed Saturday morning debating about going in to work or not. My hours were really pitiful this week because of all the Joey stuff. Then Madeline called at about 9 (right when I would have left) to ask me to pick her up from a sleepover. The rest of the morning there was a debate about where we were going to go for the day. For once, Bari and I both had the day off without any weddings or meetings. Just as Bari bought tickets on line for the Zoo (I had never gone there) I got THE CALL. I can't say I was surprised. I was hoping it would be different, though. Yep, Joey called. He was even more sick than before. He now had severe diarrhea, cramping and still couldn't sleep all night. And worse than that, he kept saying over and over,"I just can't take this any more, I just can't take this". I asked what that meant. He said he was tempted to just give everything up, and forget about trying to stay clean. And what did that mean??? More importantly, what did he expect ME to do about it? He called the clinic that Good Sam had referred him to, but it isn't open on the weekends. It is an out patient clinic. I did have the director call me though. He (also) was very nice. He (I can't remember his name) suggested we go back to the hospital and tell them what is going on. He also suggested Joey get emotional support from somewhere. So, at 11:30 or so, I left and went to the eastside (again) and took him to a hospital. (again) This really was worse. He is so defeated. He kept saying that if it wasn't for his friends, he would have done something stupid by now. I did my best not to cry.

We were at the hospital until 4 or 4:30. Bari, Bari Ray, Madeline and Sam all went to the Zoo without me. Bari bought a family pass though, so we (hopefully) will be going back soon.

Back at the hospital, Joey kept telling the nurse that he needed something stronger to help him. She of course (in a very nice, but firm way) told he wasn't going to get anything else. We did get a prescription for a medicine that was prescribed at Good Sam in a patch form, only this time in a pill form. I didn't get the patch because I just couldn't afford it. Thank heaven's the pills were a fraction of the cost. So, in the end. I took him back to Batavia, and cryed all the way home. Bari asked why I was so low this time, much more than the last time at the hospital. I think I was cautiously optimistic last time. This time he seems so defeated. He has such little hope for himself. I can't even tell you how sad that makes me feel. My 21 year old son feels he has no hope.

Madeline asked how Joey was doing. They (Sam and Madeline) know he's been in the hospital, but not for what specific reason. I told her he was trying to get better, but what he really needed was prayers.

Well, I've re-read and Spell Checked. We'll see how the rest of the weekend pans out. I'm looking forward to Church tomorrow. I miss you all. Oh, I better get cracken' on that Class Presentation! I think I'm doing the 'Whole Armor of God'. I need it. It's a lesson that can't be taught too many times.

Oh, and thank you for all of your kind word. I have read all the comments and REALLY appreciate all your thoughts and prayers on my and my family's behalf.