I just wanted to finish up with notes about the funeral.
Katy left Monday early afternoon (not before taking Henry to the Dr's office because of a little cough) and drove to Clyde to see my Mom. Of everything that was going on. This is the one event I would have loved to been a part of. Mom saw the twins for the first time. We could have had a 4 generation picture. Well, hopefully, we will all be able to manage a trip at the same time sometime this summer. Anyway, they went to Clyde on Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday night they went to Lima and had dinner with Dane and his wife Yuka, and Diane and her family. I guess it was ok, except the boys were all tired and very confused. (Translated, that means they were very Cranky).
I picked up Joey the next morning at 5:30. Sam, Madeline, Joey and I all drove up to Lima from there.
We got to the Church around 8. There was only 1 vehicle in the parking lot, a Council on Aging bus. I did think that was a little weird, but didn't really pay attention very much. Then, as the bus drove past us, it slowed down, and the driver rolled down the window. The driver was an old college friend that I had lost track of years ago. Kathi and I had known each other at Bluffton, but had gotten really close when Gene and I had moved to Columbus Grove. Katy and Joey were small, and we would go to Kathi's house every Friday night when Dane and Gene went to the basketball games. Kathi had a daughter- Samantha, who was Joey's age.
It was so good to see her. She had found the Obituary on Gene in the paper and stopped by to see if she knew anyone. The timing could not have been any more perfect. We are planning on getting together really soon. I can't wait until she meets Bari.
Anyway, Kathi had to leave, so we went on into the church and saw lots of people I hadn't seen for 10 or more years. It was strange. Thea, Gene's younger sister, asked me how I was doing. I put my hands out in front of me- about a foot apart from each other. I said, "It's like this. Today is just this part of my life". I couldn't express how it all took me back to 20-25 years ago. Which has nothing to do with where I am today. Like I said, it was strange.
So, the Bishop who presided over the memorial - oh, side note, Diane had Gene cremated, so there wasn't a casket or urn, or anything. - Sorry, back to what I was saying, The Bishop who was presiding was the Dr who delivered Madeline, and the same Dr who rode in the ambulance when Katy had her seizure when she was 4. He got pretty emotional when he gave a little concluding talk. Anyway, Gene's brother-in-law gave a talk on the purpose of life. He did a good job, then I spoke. I guess it went well. I was able to tell Diane that we all knew how much she meant to Gene, how happy he was when she came into his life. And I talked to the kids about their dad, how he had a testimony of the Divinity of Christ, and how important it was to him. Then, Dane got up and spoke a couple of minutes. He was in his full dress uniform - he serves in the Army. Gene would have been so proud.
There was a really nice luncheon afterward and lots of the guests stayed and visited. The chapel was full for the memorial.
Madeline rode back with Katy and Josh. Katy was exhausted. I don't know if she has gotten any sleep yet. Madeline had a basketball game, dinner with the cheerleaders, and dance. She was ready to stop crying and try to get some normality back into her life. We'll see how she does. I still worry about her.
So, I just had Sam and Joey with me on the way back. We stopped at the Uno's in West Chester. It was a pretty big splurge to go out to eat, but I sure felt that we deserved it. Oh, Joey had a suit jacket and suit pants, white shirt and tie. Besides Katy's wedding and prom, I don't remember the last time I had seen him dressed up.
Not having a casket or graveside services was the hardest on Joey. He said that it didn't seem finished. There was no real closure for him. That might pass in time, we'll see. He was the most emotional at the memorial.
Diane said that she would put a marker for Gene in the cemetery where his parents and grandparents are buried. His ashes will go to her family farm. I think she will eventually settle there in a couple of years.
So, today, at 5 o'clock when my workday ended, Lynne and I decided that the New Year would officially begin (again) for us. This first week sucked. It was time to start over. Sooooo
Happy New Year - 2011 ! I think I am finally ready for YOU!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saved the Worst for Last. . . . . . .
If you hadn't already heard, my ex-husband passed away on New Year's Eve day. A little over 2 weeks from the death of Bari's father. My ex, and the kids dad, died in Lima from undetermined illness.
So, I was thinking, if the last 2 weeks of 2010 were the positively worst weeks of that year. And the 1st week of 2011 (with Gene's funeral and grieving children) is the worst week of this year, it is all uphill from here, isn't it? Really, if this is the worst week of this year, then it's just about done and overwith.
Yes, so, Gippy passed away December 14th, we had a wedding on both, that following Friday and another on Saturday. We all left Cincinnati around 4:30 am on Sunday and made it to Chattanooga in time for the last Viewing and the Funeral. A grandson, close friend, and 2 co-workers spoke before me. We all said almost the same things, -he was a great guy, and he loved Cadillac's.
We came back into town on Monday and went back to work on Tuesday- 12 hour shifts to try to catch up. At that time, I was framing Champagne bottles, 28 of them. The first adhesive I used re-acted to the finish on the frames and I had to pull all of them apart and start over. Nothing like doing something TWICE. Anyway, they turned out just fine.
That next weekend was Christmas. Christmas Eve I worked (of course), and we went to Bari's mom's. Christmas Day we all met at Katy's house for dinner. Joey was able to get a ride there, and Dane and his wife drove up from Ft Knox. When I walked in, Katy told me that Diane (her step-mom), had called, and that her (Katy's) Dad was in the hospital with a fever of 104. She didn't have much information, and later in the evening I asked her to call back and find out what was going on. She was able to talk with both Gene and Diane. Diane had taken Gene to the hospital the night before because he had flu like symptoms that were getting worse. Diane told Katy that Gene had a blood infection. Both Bari and I knew that was very serious.
Joey was able to get permission to visit his dad in Lima the next day, so I drove all of my kids, Katy, Sam, Madeline, and Joey to Lima first thing in the morning. We stayed about an hour and a half. Diane stopped in for 20 minutes or so. Gene really didn't seem to feel well, but he acted just like his old self. He did take time to ask each of the kids a question, and try to include them in the conversation. I don't think any of us (adults) left with the assurance he was going to get better soon. It just seemed as if he wasn't getting better at all, and that was a big problem that we all recognized. The next day, Gene's oldest son -Dane- visited, too.
Katy called her dad every day the next week. Thursday night she was distressed that he seemed quite bad off. He took a lot of time to answer her questions, and then the answers were one word answers. Friday morning - New Years Eve Day, she got the call that if they wanted to see their dad, they better hurry and get to Lima quickly. There wasn't any way to get ahold of Joey, but the 3 others were able to drop everything and drive up I75 that morning. Dane and his wife were notified and they showed up later in the afternoon.
From what I understand, at some point in the week, Gene had a heart attack. This possibly changed the oxygen level to his brain, and that was why he was having trouble talking to Katy. When the kids got to the hospital, Gene was already on life support. They think he was still lucid enough to know they were there, but Katy isn't sure of that. Anyway, things got worse quickly, the doctors tried everything, and finally Katy said that her dad would not have wanted heroic measures to keep him alive. Diane agreed, and said she just didn't have the strength to step up and stop it. Katy said that the kids did a little better when they saw him without all the iv's and tubes and things. Unfortunately, they stayed by his bedside watching every last breath and heart beat. I can't imagine how traumatic that is.
They all drove back later in the day. I felt so bad for Katy, she was emotionally and physically exhausted.
So, the funeral is Wednesday the 5th, at 9 (!!!!) in the morning, actually, the visitation at the church (LDS church in Lima) is at 9, the funeral is at 10. And yes, I was asked to speak. No matter how strange that is, it does give me the opportunity to tell my children all the good things about their father. Yes, there were a few.
I will be picking up Joey at 5:30 Wednesday morning and we will drive up with Sam and Madeline to Lima.
I feel bad for Sam and Madeline. They started their Christmas break with a funeral, and ended with a funeral. Pray for the kids.
So, I was thinking, if the last 2 weeks of 2010 were the positively worst weeks of that year. And the 1st week of 2011 (with Gene's funeral and grieving children) is the worst week of this year, it is all uphill from here, isn't it? Really, if this is the worst week of this year, then it's just about done and overwith.
Yes, so, Gippy passed away December 14th, we had a wedding on both, that following Friday and another on Saturday. We all left Cincinnati around 4:30 am on Sunday and made it to Chattanooga in time for the last Viewing and the Funeral. A grandson, close friend, and 2 co-workers spoke before me. We all said almost the same things, -he was a great guy, and he loved Cadillac's.
We came back into town on Monday and went back to work on Tuesday- 12 hour shifts to try to catch up. At that time, I was framing Champagne bottles, 28 of them. The first adhesive I used re-acted to the finish on the frames and I had to pull all of them apart and start over. Nothing like doing something TWICE. Anyway, they turned out just fine.
That next weekend was Christmas. Christmas Eve I worked (of course), and we went to Bari's mom's. Christmas Day we all met at Katy's house for dinner. Joey was able to get a ride there, and Dane and his wife drove up from Ft Knox. When I walked in, Katy told me that Diane (her step-mom), had called, and that her (Katy's) Dad was in the hospital with a fever of 104. She didn't have much information, and later in the evening I asked her to call back and find out what was going on. She was able to talk with both Gene and Diane. Diane had taken Gene to the hospital the night before because he had flu like symptoms that were getting worse. Diane told Katy that Gene had a blood infection. Both Bari and I knew that was very serious.
Joey was able to get permission to visit his dad in Lima the next day, so I drove all of my kids, Katy, Sam, Madeline, and Joey to Lima first thing in the morning. We stayed about an hour and a half. Diane stopped in for 20 minutes or so. Gene really didn't seem to feel well, but he acted just like his old self. He did take time to ask each of the kids a question, and try to include them in the conversation. I don't think any of us (adults) left with the assurance he was going to get better soon. It just seemed as if he wasn't getting better at all, and that was a big problem that we all recognized. The next day, Gene's oldest son -Dane- visited, too.
Katy called her dad every day the next week. Thursday night she was distressed that he seemed quite bad off. He took a lot of time to answer her questions, and then the answers were one word answers. Friday morning - New Years Eve Day, she got the call that if they wanted to see their dad, they better hurry and get to Lima quickly. There wasn't any way to get ahold of Joey, but the 3 others were able to drop everything and drive up I75 that morning. Dane and his wife were notified and they showed up later in the afternoon.
From what I understand, at some point in the week, Gene had a heart attack. This possibly changed the oxygen level to his brain, and that was why he was having trouble talking to Katy. When the kids got to the hospital, Gene was already on life support. They think he was still lucid enough to know they were there, but Katy isn't sure of that. Anyway, things got worse quickly, the doctors tried everything, and finally Katy said that her dad would not have wanted heroic measures to keep him alive. Diane agreed, and said she just didn't have the strength to step up and stop it. Katy said that the kids did a little better when they saw him without all the iv's and tubes and things. Unfortunately, they stayed by his bedside watching every last breath and heart beat. I can't imagine how traumatic that is.
They all drove back later in the day. I felt so bad for Katy, she was emotionally and physically exhausted.
So, the funeral is Wednesday the 5th, at 9 (!!!!) in the morning, actually, the visitation at the church (LDS church in Lima) is at 9, the funeral is at 10. And yes, I was asked to speak. No matter how strange that is, it does give me the opportunity to tell my children all the good things about their father. Yes, there were a few.
I will be picking up Joey at 5:30 Wednesday morning and we will drive up with Sam and Madeline to Lima.
I feel bad for Sam and Madeline. They started their Christmas break with a funeral, and ended with a funeral. Pray for the kids.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tribute to my Father-In-Law
We got the news this morning that my father-in-law passed away. Bari called me at work and I immediately came home. As anyone who just lost a parent, he is in shock. Bari M. (Gippy), had been ill for several years. I don't know I can name all the health challenges. Arthritis took it's tole, as did some kind of cancer of the tonsils. Like I said, I never knew all the specifics of his ailing health. What I do know, is that Gippy had the flu (or flu-like symptoms) this past week, and this morning he died.
I don't think it is possible to stand by your spouse without reliving your own experiences. This morning as I comforted and supported my dear husband, I remembered every moment of the evening my own father passed away. Nothing can prepare you for the inevitable. Even though I have a strong sense of purpose of my mission in life, my belief in Christ and Eternal Family, it is nonetheless, difficult to move forward in this life without a parent. Parents are the strength of the family, the ties of family bonds. Thinking of one parent without their spouse beside them, is terrible. It isn't just your own mourning/sadness/sense of loss, it is the concern of your surviving parents mourning/sadness/sense of loss that can become even more overwhelming.
I can't say enough great things about Bari's parents (all 4 of them!). All have been nothing but gratious, kind and inclusive for my children and myself in their family.
One of the first Christmas' I had with my kids and Gippy & Nana, they were teasing Bari about keeping us - whether or not he married me. They were instantly in love with all the kids and included them in every family activity. The only sadness I ever saw in Gippy was when he would reflect on not spending enough family time together.
The last time I saw Gippy and Nana, was when they came up (they live in Chattanooga), for Bari Ray's Graduation, and was here for the twin's birth also. (It was all on the same night- my family, over-scheduled, as usual). Bari M. and Linda were planning on coming up at New Year's to have Christmas with all the grandkids, and see the twins.
Of course, we have weddings on both Friday, and Saturday. Bari and Bari Ray will drive down to TN tomorrow morning (Wednesday) and come back the next evening (Thursday). We are hoping any funeral arrangements will be scheduled for Sunday, so the whole family will be able to make it back down by then.
I don't think it is possible to stand by your spouse without reliving your own experiences. This morning as I comforted and supported my dear husband, I remembered every moment of the evening my own father passed away. Nothing can prepare you for the inevitable. Even though I have a strong sense of purpose of my mission in life, my belief in Christ and Eternal Family, it is nonetheless, difficult to move forward in this life without a parent. Parents are the strength of the family, the ties of family bonds. Thinking of one parent without their spouse beside them, is terrible. It isn't just your own mourning/sadness/sense of loss, it is the concern of your surviving parents mourning/sadness/sense of loss that can become even more overwhelming.
I can't say enough great things about Bari's parents (all 4 of them!). All have been nothing but gratious, kind and inclusive for my children and myself in their family.
One of the first Christmas' I had with my kids and Gippy & Nana, they were teasing Bari about keeping us - whether or not he married me. They were instantly in love with all the kids and included them in every family activity. The only sadness I ever saw in Gippy was when he would reflect on not spending enough family time together.
The last time I saw Gippy and Nana, was when they came up (they live in Chattanooga), for Bari Ray's Graduation, and was here for the twin's birth also. (It was all on the same night- my family, over-scheduled, as usual). Bari M. and Linda were planning on coming up at New Year's to have Christmas with all the grandkids, and see the twins.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The Saga of the Christmas Tree
Christmas tree. It should be so easy.
I have been married to Bari for 6 Christmas's. And for 6 Christmas's there has been drama over the Christmas Tree.
When we got married, we each had our own tree. Each of us loved our own tree (and did not particularly like the others' tree). My tree was narrow and tall, kind of sparse so there could be lots of ornaments. We made new ornaments each year to put up. I had gotten it the first or second Christmas after the divorce, and we were living in a townhouse. I didn't want to bother with a real tree (had done that most of my life), and knew the benefits of an artificial tree would outweigh the strengths of a real tree.
Bari had a short(er) W-I-D-E tree. The kind you have to put the yellow branches in the yellow holes. Only most of the color codes were worn off and you just had to guess what went where. Each branch had to be carefully pulled apart and the ends tipped up a little bit so it not only held the ornaments, but looked Real. (Oh, my tree came in sections that fit together, and folded like an umbrella). Bari's big thing was that it 'looked real'. Ok. Maybe. But it was a Royal Pain to put up.
Now, I work Retail. RETAIL. I need Christmas to be fun and EASY. I don't want to miss the holiday because I work (all the time). So, I have (in the last 6 years since we have had the cable network with BYU channel), put up the tree on the first Sunday in December when the church Christmas Devotional is on. It is just long enough after Thanksgiving that I don't feel like it is Too early, but early enough that I don't feel like it is at the last minute. Yes. Lots of thought and experience has gone into this. And thus the problem.
A couple of years ago my tree finally bit the dust. It couldn't be stored well- parts of it wouldn't come apart, and that was a problem. So. We started using Bari's tree. . . . . Everyone was frustrated. The kids couldn't figure out where the branches went. When I wanted the tree put op (on the required Sunday), Bari was busy/taking a nap/not interested. Last year they actually put it up when I was at work, which was ok, but part of the problem is how hard it is to put lights on it.
Last year in January, Bari and I had a bridal show at the Convention Center downtown for 2 days. The night of the first day, we all got the flu. The second day we spent at the show running back and forth to the Restrooms. When we got home, we found all the kids sick, the tree knocked over, and the house a mess. I walked in, surveyed the living room and went to bed.
So, our cats think the tree is a giant cat toy. When they get into the tree (which they do) they knock off branches to make a place to sit. Cute? Sure, you should see the pictures.
Now . . . . all that leads me to this year. I want a Pre-lit tree. I don't want to mess with putting lights all over branches anymore. Saturday night I bought a tree. Today I returned the tree.
The Saga continues........
I have been married to Bari for 6 Christmas's. And for 6 Christmas's there has been drama over the Christmas Tree.
When we got married, we each had our own tree. Each of us loved our own tree (and did not particularly like the others' tree). My tree was narrow and tall, kind of sparse so there could be lots of ornaments. We made new ornaments each year to put up. I had gotten it the first or second Christmas after the divorce, and we were living in a townhouse. I didn't want to bother with a real tree (had done that most of my life), and knew the benefits of an artificial tree would outweigh the strengths of a real tree.
Bari had a short(er) W-I-D-E tree. The kind you have to put the yellow branches in the yellow holes. Only most of the color codes were worn off and you just had to guess what went where. Each branch had to be carefully pulled apart and the ends tipped up a little bit so it not only held the ornaments, but looked Real. (Oh, my tree came in sections that fit together, and folded like an umbrella). Bari's big thing was that it 'looked real'. Ok. Maybe. But it was a Royal Pain to put up.
Now, I work Retail. RETAIL. I need Christmas to be fun and EASY. I don't want to miss the holiday because I work (all the time). So, I have (in the last 6 years since we have had the cable network with BYU channel), put up the tree on the first Sunday in December when the church Christmas Devotional is on. It is just long enough after Thanksgiving that I don't feel like it is Too early, but early enough that I don't feel like it is at the last minute. Yes. Lots of thought and experience has gone into this. And thus the problem.
A couple of years ago my tree finally bit the dust. It couldn't be stored well- parts of it wouldn't come apart, and that was a problem. So. We started using Bari's tree. . . . . Everyone was frustrated. The kids couldn't figure out where the branches went. When I wanted the tree put op (on the required Sunday), Bari was busy/taking a nap/not interested. Last year they actually put it up when I was at work, which was ok, but part of the problem is how hard it is to put lights on it.
Last year in January, Bari and I had a bridal show at the Convention Center downtown for 2 days. The night of the first day, we all got the flu. The second day we spent at the show running back and forth to the Restrooms. When we got home, we found all the kids sick, the tree knocked over, and the house a mess. I walked in, surveyed the living room and went to bed.
So, our cats think the tree is a giant cat toy. When they get into the tree (which they do) they knock off branches to make a place to sit. Cute? Sure, you should see the pictures.
Now . . . . all that leads me to this year. I want a Pre-lit tree. I don't want to mess with putting lights all over branches anymore. Saturday night I bought a tree. Today I returned the tree.
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